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April 19th, 2009
08:10 pm
Ahhhh its been a million years. And adelaaaa inspired me to update rather than just reply to her msg.
UM. Yeah. This is weird. Okay, so I'm studying for the worst exam imaginable and its still almost a month away. I just want it done! BUT the good news is that it's tying the last two years together and it's kind of interesting. Not 10hrs/day interesting, but oh well, it's almost the last hurdle.
I go to seattle with my brother right after its over though! I keep toying with the idea of trying to move out of my comfy nest of NY-ness, but it probably won't happen. I feel odd here, like I don't belong, like I don't have enough friends 'nearby' but can't make new ones because something is ever so slightly off (probably within myself..). Will seattle fix all of that? But actually, so there are times that I go to the park/the art store/the cafe and I see people and I feel like okay seriously I very well just might have things in common with them, but where do you go from there? This has happened to me about 5 times this week... where I just scratch my head at what to do and then they leave. Is this why everyone just winds up getting married? But then how do they meet that person? Baffling!
Also I finally decided to not be such an enormous wuss and bam I am poisoning my body and soul with accutane. It's only been two weeks and I already feel sooo relieved. So now my weight is the only worry.... ugh. Not a huge out of proportion worry, but, yeah. I feel like it would be so so easy if I had the time, but I guess that is life. Am I the only one who is so superficial about myself when no one else actually gives a shit? I think soooo.
UMMMMM. I feel kind of run down today. It could be that I have been eating poorly lately (ah, stress induced munchfest), or the meds, or that my body just hates me in general. I'll go with #3. Or its the stress, seeing as how I am stressed as hellllllll.
I am trying to figure out if I should taking this drawing class, essentially learning how to actually draw models and have them not look like emus ie my last attempt. But it involves money and a time commitment. Now is not the best timing, but when is? It's only 7 sessions though so I should probably just do it. Or wait.
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November 2nd, 2008
08:18 pm
Its been awhile!
In that time I started and finished the infectious diseases class. And got mono during it, ironically enough. A super bad case of it, and it sucked a lot, and I guess I am more sympathetic to medically ill people now, which I suppose is a good thing.
We also have been doing psych stuff (the point was for us to practice our communication skills) and my preceptor was at a psych hospital and it was kind of stunning. It had the most serious patients, maybe the most serious 1% or so, and most of them are there because they don't really respond to any sort of therapy. It's questionable if we worked with anyone that fits into this (ie one claimed to..), but that facility is also where the people who get acquitted of crimes by reason of insanity go (the misconception that they are just set free after a week or two doesn't hold).
I'm pretty sure any scientologist or person who doesn't believe in psychiatry should go see it. But anyways, great experience, but no thanks to the majority of it (severe psychosis). BUT I did absolutely like the affective patients (depression/bipolar/drug abuse) and my preceptor said that the vast majority of even psychiatrists don't see cases like this ever really.
What else? I dont know. School is school. I am taking a painting class through a non-profit as an attempt to free my brain from getting too structured and it seems to be helping. Maybe.
And I need to go get laundry now, as well as attempt to learn a thing or two (honestly I am going to be a horrific doctor when it comes to medical things.....).
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July 20th, 2008
04:52 pm
I haven't written in a bit...
I'm going to start on accutane in a few weeks. Leave it to me to not even so much as take tylenol for a headache but be willing to go on a beast of a medicine for arguably stupid reasons. I'm excited though, its a close second to my weight in terms of "useless things that occupy my mind". But, honestly, at first I thought it was going to be great that I couldn't really drink while I was on it... but, now I'm not really a fan of that idea whatsoever. So, maybe I'll just try out the moderation thing..
Anyways, what else? I just got back from atlantic city. That place is the weirdest place ever. It's this fake city filled with casinos and boardwalks and loads of slowwww old people. It was a solid night though, a really solid night.
Work is kinda getting me a bit fed up. It has its amazing moments (like, anytime I have even the remotest contact with a patient) but also just annoying moments like twiddling my thumbs a lot. It is better than learning about bacteria, which is what I will be doing in a month :/. Guess how much I absolutely do not want to spend a million hours learning that bs? A lot.
whatever, whine whine whine. If I quit being lazy im gonna get membership to the moma. An architecture exhibit started today and van gogh is coming. Van gogh! I just remember being at the van gogh museum in amsterdam and just being so completely blown away by it. It kind of can't be put into words how amazing his work is to see in person. There is this cherry blossom painting, which may be my favoritest painting ever that I hope they bring.
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July 8th, 2008
10:53 pm
Yea I went to the jersey city library again. It was pretty horrendous. They have nothing good and a lot of just terrible terrible books. I guess it's time to cheat the system and get a nyc public library card, but getting to 50th st during the school year will quite possibly not really work. Joanna is right- they need a netflix for books.
What else? Work is finally picking up. I finished the intro section. He said I'm gonna be a second author. I feel like I'm cheating a bit, since I feel like it's pretty damn hard to do such a thing in 2 months... I am now editing this paper that is a collaboration from a bunch of authors from all over (australia, britian, canada, austria). It's kind of fun in that it's simple content-wise and fairly badly written so that I actually have things to pick apart and point out. I also edited my boss' thing that he has to submit and find really subtle but important errors/typos. It was kind of cool.
Tomorrow's grand rounds are on epidemiology. Lame to the max. I also have an appt with a new dermatologist. We'll see how that goes. I notoriously hate derms. Maybe I'll talk her into putting me on accutaine.
I keep ordering more things on amazon. I got another book for school ($63.. UGH) and a sound machine (for infants so it was cheap, yet it still has an alarm clock for some reason). In order for the sound machine to ship for free I had to buy something at random, so that wound up being dryel sheets. The irony in living in a city finally and having "enough" people and action at all hours of the night is that now I am not having the easiest time in falling asleep. I dont think it's the noise though since all of the sirens in newark never bothered me, but the psychological aspect of it. Whatevs.
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July 1st, 2008
11:38 pm
Havent updated in a bit.
Work is interesting. My task for the summer is to write about 10 pages. Now I know why I'm not getting paid... So, I spent a lot of time researching, but now all I do is sit there and revise draft #20 or so, get excited because maybe just maybe it's done, show it to the boss, and start over. Yeah. I go to loads of awesome meetings and presentations though. It was emotionally pretty hard hearing about the kids for a bit, but I guess I'm used to that aspect of it, sort of. What's bad for now but will actually serve me well later on is that these kids remind me so much of myself. I don't know what the hell that says about me, but yeah. They are a much more dramatic version of me and/or my past though, but I get it, and I just want to just tell them that it will be okay. Except then I do some research and realize that there is a 36% chance that things will only get worse for them.... (These kids are at high risk for developing schizophrenia). Ugh, well, the good news is that for those 36%, their outcome is probably a billion times better from all of the therapy they get in the program.
Anyways. I am just still in awe of the apartment. I don't know how we snagged it. There is a two hour block in the evening when it's still light enough out but you can see all of the lights on in NY and I just sit there in awe. Not having a car is also surprisingly okay. The main thing I miss is ikea, which I clearly should just get over since maybe there are other places to randomly eat/study at.
I do love being able to walk to stores to buy food though. I have never done that before. There is this produce store owned by this asian lady that has everything, and my dad said the produce is cheaper than shoprite. They have homemade tofu that is 3 blocks for $1 so the goal is to eventually learn how to make it well enough that it's not gross. More importantly though, they have these chocolate covered tea biscuits that are pure amazingness.
What else? I think I'm seeing hulud soon. Yesss. It will be strange. Yet hopefully fun. I just hope I dont look too out of place.
I feel like there was way more i had to say, but i guess not. Oh, my running skills got gooood last week (although I have been eating 900 lbs of food since and feel much less awesome now). Im at a solid 3 miles though so I'm gonna increase the speed tomorrow. Which makes me nervous, since I am comfortable with my slow shuffle-ness. We'll see. I am completely going to hell for this, but my new favorite thing to do is find someone slower than me at my little gym and then try to figure out how long they will last, and then smile when the answer is "not that long". Yes, so completely wrong, but I figure I can indulge in my inner angst. It's also cause I suck, and I know that I suck.. so I figure its okay. The point is that I then think of other people doing it to me, and get a fleeting moment of motivation. Plus, I figure doing something I am deluded into thinking I'm decent at will be less painful than doing something that I suck at... Alright, well, off to bed. hopefully the karma won't get me too badly.
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June 24th, 2008
11:27 pm
anndddd it's fixed.
yay apple tech support. I basically am pretty emotionally attached to this computer despite everything when it comes down to it, so, I am happy.
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June 23rd, 2008
09:09 pm
Ah, so I noticed that my computer cord outlet thingee was no longer charging the computer, so I go look... and my computer smells like burning and the cord won't work even though it fits fine.
Why does technology hate me?
RIP Computer ?
:/
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May 29th, 2008
11:26 am
Only one more final. Thank goodness.
Yesterdays was blah. I could have done a bit better, but considering how excessively I slacked, it went okay.
I have like 3 billion drugs to learn by tomorrow. Pharm sucks, officially. It's like learning a new language where every word is so esoteric and means the same thing, but a tiny deviation of the same thing that you have to remember. Like, there are about 8-10 benzodiazepines (Valium family), they all sound the same, they all bind to the same receptor, but they do slightly different things (some are used for insomnia, etc), and have slightly different side effects. LAME. I guess its fine now because these are the drugs I will actually have to know about, and it will suck 900x more when I'm learning about kidney meds or something I don't care as much about... but, still. And I have to relearn child development because I cannot retain that stuff for the life of me. I am amazing at differentiating different mental illnesses though. I guess reading enough about this for fun over the past few years helped with that.
Whatever, I move on sunday. I start summer thing on monday, which I am pretty unexcited about right now because I just want to do nothing for awhile. Hopefully just being in the city will refresh me... I feel like it may. yeah anyways, off to learn.
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May 25th, 2008
02:24 am
Ah, so my computer is doing this awesome thing where sometimes it doesn't start, like 10 times in a row. And sometimes it thinks that "restart" means "hmmm I think she wants to use excel". And other very interesting things, such as thinking that closing the computer means 'time to make really really weird noises'.
My 3 year warranty expires on wednesday. I wonder wtf they could possibly do though. Ugh, I also dont know what I should do if I need a new computer. I hate PCs, but, I also kind of am not a fan of macs right now. Yea, I guess its too early to think about this though.
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May 23rd, 2008
12:25 am
I don't know why I never learn this... but I cannot have any form of caffeine past 10am, even if its "just" a cup of tea, or soda, or something. I go through this about once a week.
Tomorrow is our fake doctoring exam, where they hire actors as patients, videotape us and grade us on our skillz. Fun! Apparently you check for scoliosis during a lung exam, according to our school. I'm writing it down so I can maybe not forget it. Other random things I constantly forget are asking about transfusions and surgeries, doing the domestic violence screening (ironic since I do research in this and KNOW that its super important), and asking about recent vision/dental/pap/breast/etc exams. And religion. I always and will always forget to ask about religion. Oh, and seatbelts. Yep. This was fun. Off to count sheep or something..
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May 22nd, 2008
04:54 pm - I have been living under a rock
SHAI HULUD is back together and coming out with an album!!!!!!!!!!!
AND TOURING!
Oh my god.
They are playing at the knitting factory the night before my first exam of next year though :( :(
BUT, I can just see them in july in poughkeepsie, pittsburgh, buffalo and the weekend after the exam in albany.
I guess this makes up for the fact that the alkaline trio show is sold out (other than the allentown one, but I think I hate PA too much to go to that one alone).
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May 21st, 2008
12:54 am
And bane stopped making the stich hoodies (they are now screenprinted).
Why do they hate me so much???
Edit: I semi lied, you can still find the old ones. I guess I'll buy one..
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12:35 am
WHY DO I ONLY FIND OUT ABOUT BANE SHOWS AFTER THEY HAPPEN?
UGH. I do not like this.
To be fair though, their 10-day tour was in a 10 day span chock full of exams and lameness so maybe it's good that i studied and such instead, but, still, I miss them :(
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12:07 am
I'm way too into this not-schooling freedom.
Tomorrow I'm going to columbia though to get shit in order for the summer thing. woot.
I got two questions back on the last exam, bringing my avg to a 91ish, which means I theoretically have a shot at an A (though very unlikely, the finals are national and they basically curve against you, avg is a 70 with a SD of 7-8ish... this is half of our grade). So, I guess it means that I shouldn't say 'fuck it' this weekend and should study, even though I'm 99.9% sure it wont matter.
Anyways. yea. I cleaned my apartment to a ridiculous extreme today. I rule. Minus the part about getting bleach on my brand new (though hella on sale) shirt. UGH, I have this ridiculously obnoxious habit of ruining every single new thing I buy lately. What kills me is that I have become amazing at not buying clothes... so it's a much bigger deal to ruin the one new thing I bought in a month. Yea I'm sure this is way exciting.
I went to this awesome thrift store yesterday and bought these perfect blue shoes for $2.50. But then I had to ruin the moment and buy stuff I don't need, such as a denim jacket, earrings (similar to ones I have... but these are "cooler" bc they are actually "vintage" rather than vintage inspired), a bag with lame straps that I need to figure out how to fix (tho the bag itself is hella cool, maybe it will become a clutch), and a dress that I absolutely do not fit into. Yep, logical purchase. I tried it on at home, dropped something, bent down to get it... and now the seam is torn as well. yeaaa I am dumb, but I guess $6 isnt a huge loss.
Okay, whatever, off to bed.
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May 14th, 2008
09:17 pm
I signed a lease today! Oh man, such a relief.
Now I only have three more weeks with the alti. :(
I think I have a way unhealthy attachment to that car.
I'll probably get it back some weekends and such, and I know it will be happier somewhere other than newark, with people who are good at giving it oil changes on time.
Anyways, apt is in a 1960s high rise (thus, way cheaper than the newer high rises), is on the 21st floor, and has a balcony with a view of the statue of liberty (not of NY though, another building is blocking it which is pretty lame, but it would prob cost a trillion times more if it had a view of NY). It's cool. Nothing too nice, nothing too crappy. Utils are included (other than cable/internet). There's a gym downstairs that costs $16/month, and laundry, and the PATH station is a block away. When they finish the new entrance (to the path), it will be literally next door :)
There are things to do in the area, it seems pretty safe (although I probably shouldn't be stumbling about at 3am, I'm sure), and well, it's a step up from anywhere else I've lived location-wise.
Parking will be way annoying 3rd year (I would have to drive for clinical stuff since the majority of it is in the 'burbs), but we'll cross that bridge when we get there. Worst case, I can pay $70/mo and park in a lot (70 is for night parking only... it would be 150 if i were to park during the day). So, not a completely horrendous deal. yea i guess thats it. test on friday, which will ruin my 93 avg :(.
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May 11th, 2008
08:28 pm
Oh and I went to cosi today, and a high school looking kid asked me if I was studying for AP exams!
IM MAYBE NOT OLD AND LAME YET! It was awesome.
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07:56 pm
Only 2 more days of classes. Yay.
I finally bit the bullet and went on a mission to find dress clothes.
Apparently the $30 dress pants that fit horrendously and have fuzzies all over the place that I wear every week are really no longer cutting it.
So, after 2 hours at Anne Taylor, and trying on literally every pair of pants in their petite section, I have two pairs of dress pants that are decent! I got black ones and pinstripe ones.
I still feel a bit guilty in how much I spent on them... but there really was no way around it, seeing as how I probably should start looking presentable. It just sucks because I want to lose a bit of weight this summer, and now I'm basically screwed if I do and if I dont.. ugh, maybe I should return one of them? [And, it sucks more that I spend no money on actual things I want because of school-related spending].
Then, I went back the next day to pseudo look for dress shirts and I found one on sale at express that fits perfectly. Dress shirts are easy though, so, I figure I'll just try to go to old navy or somewhere and try to find random ones there for cheap.
But yeah. Last night we went back to the ironbound. To this restaurant/bar there that could not possibly be more amazing. Like, it was perfection. We got the sangria and just an appetizer of garlic shrimp, and they gave us bread, garlic bread, homemade potato chips (best things everrrr), reg olives, and olives stuffed with cheese. Last time when we went for just sangria, they would give us little samples of the various drinks they were making. (Along with three bowls of chips....). They are the best.
No more apartment talk until I get something (if that will everrr happen) because I keep jinxing the crap out of it. UGH. Btw, I think looking at apartments is honestly more of a chore than studying is. Yeah, seriously, this is how much I hate it. But, whatevs, going to ikea a lot will hopefully make it worth it.
Off to go call my grandma, who has been guilt-tripping the crap out of me via my mom (please please please don't let me turn into them). Nothing like forced phone calls... ugh. And then, to learn. woot.
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May 8th, 2008
11:29 pm
Exam on monday was annoying. The way this class is run is more annoying. I still got a 93, but, damn.
He gave us a breakdown of what would be on the test that was way wrong, and put things on there before he taught them to us. It's just so obnoxious.
A good drinking game would be to sit in lecture with me and take a shot everytime I say "I f-ing hate him", "he's such a deuche-wad", or just giving up and falling asleep (and I very rarely sleep during lecture), and so forth. It's just that, dude, WE DO NOT NEED TO HEAR YOUR 10 MINUTE RANT ON DOLPHIN BRAINS. It takes him literally 15-20 minutes to introduce what we are going to learn (seriously), then he mumbles his way through actual things in the next 15 mins, and then spends the rest of the time telling us what we will learn next time. I cannot think of worser way to run a lecture... He also has this tendency to start a sentence, get distracted, and rant about nothing for a long time.
But, it was his last one, and if it wasn't, that was my breaking point in not going again, so, it works out.
Congrats deuche-wad, neuro is officially ruined for me though :(
Anyways, aside from that, maybe I'll have an apartment some day. Maybe not. I kind of don't care anymore.
Looking is pure torture though, honestly. There was one we saw today that we might grab, but probably not. We're sleeping on it. It's cheap, in a good location (half a block away from the dog park!), has a washer/dryer (in the basement), and has big bedrooms. It's quite not-together though (in terms of broken closet doors, gross fridge, etc), and the living room/dining room/kitchen are pretty lame. I want it though, just because I hate looking at apts.
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May 3rd, 2008
01:24 pm
So it seems my only two ways of being are pure panic where I can't do a thing and thus just sleep and then have nightmares and then sleep some more to try to offset the nightmares, and of course convince myself that everyone hates me.... and pure procrastination (such as right now) where I'm really calm and all is right with the world.
Um. I think I'm burnt out? Ha. Just a little.
Whatever. This is why I'm group studying today tho... bc ppl need to be there to force me to focus.
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April 30th, 2008
01:04 am
Felt better after the rant, got shit done.
There are two promising apartments to look at soon. One sounds insanely perfect, but there is a broker's fee, and I bet its for may 1st. And it might be too loud, because it's right above the little grove street station square thing.
I'm gonna have an awesome time waking up tomorrow. Why do I deliberately ruin my sleep schedule? Who knows.
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